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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24547678">regret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonbinaryezrabridger/pseuds/nonbinaryezrabridger'>nonbinaryezrabridger</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SGC discord ficalong [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stargate Atlantis, Stargate Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, colonel young plays wingman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:00:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24547678</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonbinaryezrabridger/pseuds/nonbinaryezrabridger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Elizabeth grins, eyes shining, and says:</p>
<p>“Well, we can at least try, can’t we?”</p>
<p>Tamara considers saying no. but she can’t actually think of a good reason to, other than that she’s afraid. And she tries never to let her fear control her, so instead she says:</p>
<p>“Yes, I’d like that.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tamara "TJ" Johansen/Elizabeth Weir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SGC discord ficalong [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>regret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>written for the sgc discord's ficalong. my first dice roll gave me tamara/elizabeth so I ran with it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>--------</p>
<p>Tamara is in the infirmary, getting used to the newness of Icarus base, when she hears Colonel Young’s voice from the hallway:</p>
<p>“And here is our infirmary.”</p>
<p>Tamara sighs. He’s been taking the SGC bigwigs on a tour, but she hadn’t known they’d come to the infirmary. Tamara is not a fan of the politicians. She’s a medic and a soldier, not one to mince words when action is an option. And almost all of the SGC staff know how the IOA is always waiting to pounce and punish for perceived slights, which leads to a strong dislike. Still, she turns towards the door away and plasters on a pleasant smile. </p>
<p>There’s the familiar figure of Colonel Young, and behind him, a woman. Oh, what a woman. Tamara is not easily distracted, but this woman is distracting. Her eyes are a bright ocean blue, her hair brown and falling loose around her chin, and her cheekbones sharp and defined. Despite the potential sharpness is her face, she exudes warmth. </p>
<p>Tamara recognizes her, as someone she should probably know, but doesn’t off the top of her head.</p>
<p>She also realizes she’s been staring and blushes. She blushes harder a moment later when the woman not so subtly looks her up and down. Colonel Young intones:</p>
<p>“Tamara Johansen, one of our medics.”</p>
<p>The woman’s lips quirk up in a kind smile, but her eyes are intent as she looks at Tamara. Tamara must not be the only one feeling the attraction strung out between them. The woman steps forwards and holds her hand out to shake, saying:</p>
<p>“I’m Elizabeth Weir, a pleasure to meet you.”</p>
<p>Tamara can’t help but be impressed; the long time leader of Atlantis stands before her. A politician, sure, but one who knows the value of her people and will fight to defend them. A leader, and a strong one. It only makes the woman more attractive. Tamara shakes her hand, impressed with the strong but not aggressive grip. Their fingers brush as they pull apart, sending an electric feeling up her arm. Tamara quickly decides to go all in and tilts her head to an angle she know compliments her face and says:</p>
<p>“The pleasure is all mine.”</p>
<p>Colonel Young, who is well aware of her flirting techniques, looks at her for a long moment, before grinning conspiratorially. He turns to Weir and says:</p>
<p>“I must make a call, will you excuse me for a moment? Perhaps you’d like to take a look around the infirmary?”</p>
<p>Elizabeth nods, hair brushing across her cheeks, and says measuredly:</p>
<p>“I'd enjoy that. Thank you, colonel.”</p>
<p>Weir has a poker face like no other, a cool mask pulled over her emotions, and only rarely do they show through. The intensity when they do though, is a sight to be seen. Colonel Young leaves the room, and the tension ratchets up a notch. </p>
<p>Weir turns back to Tamara, her eyes dancing, and says: </p>
<p>“Would you show me around?”</p>
<p>Tamara is going to enjoy this little dance, she thinks. So she nods and says:</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>She leads the way past the beds and towards the cabinets, and as they step up to them, she raises a hand to rest on the small of Elizabeth’s back. It’s a subtle touch, but intimate considering they’re strangers. Elizabeth smiles at the touch and doesn’t say anything. Tamara shows her the neatly stacked medical supplies. After she’s finished they stroll back to the middle of the room. </p>
<p>Tamara lets her arm drop, and her hand feels cold without the warmth of Weir’s body. It’s been a while since Tamara has this sort of contact and she aches for it. Still, she doesn’t want to overstep, especially with someone as important as Elizabeth Weir. She thinks that the tension between them is just going to fizzle out, but then Elizabeth speaks:</p>
<p>“Here, let me help you.”</p>
<p>Tamara wonders what that means but quickly gets her answer. There’s a stray lock of hair fallen into her face and Elizabeth brushes it back, tucking it into Tamara's elaborate updo. As she does so, her fingers brush along Tamara’s cheek, and linger there, stroking her skin softly. </p>
<p>Tamara gasps, want crystallizing inside of her, and sways towards Elizabeth. Elizabeth leans in to meet her and they’re kissing, soft but needy. Elizabeth kisses with as much confidence as she carries herself. But she tastes strangely metallic and suddenly Tamara rememberers something she has forgotten. She pulls away and gasps:</p>
<p>“You’re a replicator.”</p>
<p>Elizabeth smiles, almost shyly.</p>
<p>“Indeed I am. I thought you were aware.”</p>
<p>Tamara is silent, gears turning in her brain. This woman isn’t a woman at all, but millions of tiny nanites.</p>
<p>Elizabeth suddenly tosses her head, her voice turning cold, and asks:</p>
<p>“Do I disgust you?”</p>
<p>Tamara grins. Human or not, Weir is attractive and magnetic. Tamara is not going to let a few nanites stop her from getting to know Elizabeth.</p>
<p>“Not at all.”</p>
<p>And pulls her back into a kiss. She can feel Elizabeth smile into the kiss, and she’s sure she’s relieved, though she’d never show it. </p>
<p>They’ve just pulled apart when they hear running footsteps. Colonel Young bursts into the room, looking very apologetic. He grabs Elizabeth by the arm and heads out of the room, yelling:</p>
<p>“The Lucian alliance has discovered the location of Icarus base, I’ve got to get you safely back through the stargate!”</p>
<p>Tamara watches helplessly as Elizabeth goes, and is left alone in the infirmary.</p>
<p>—————</p>
<p>Tamara is back on earth. But she isn’t really; not in her own body at least. She’s wearing a stranger’s face.</p>
<p>She tells herself that’s the reason she doesn’t try to contact Elizabeth. And it is, at least partially. But maybe she’s also afraid that Elizabeth would reject her, tell her it was just a spur of the moment decision, that it had meant nothing.</p>
<p>It’s not like Tamara hasn't had meaningless flings before. It’s just that she wants Elizabeth to be more. They don’t have to be lovers, she’d be happy being friends.</p>
<p>But she doesn’t go talk to her. She just doesn’t, for no good reason. And she regrets it every time she wakes up from another dream of Elizabeth walking to halls of destiny, looking at her with those sharp eyes, kissing her softly on the observation deck. She regrets it, and yet every time she goes back on the stones she balks again and doesn’t go talk to her. She’s stuck, the regret haunting her with every step she takes. </p>
<p>——————</p>
<p>They had finally found another Icarus planet, and fortunately for them it was equipped with a stargate hooked up into the planet’s power. Rush and Eli don’t have any idea why the seed ships would have constructed it that way, but everyone’s glad. They’ve set up a time to dial home, and they’re sending people back home through the gate as well as having new personnel sent to them. People better prepared for the mission. </p>
<p>Tamara had agreed to stay on Destiny.</p>
<p>She doesn’t entirely know why, herself, just that this place had become home, and that these people are important to her. They are, of course, sending a real doctor---a Jennifer Keller, she believes---so Tamara will no longer be in charge. That’s fine with her, she’s happy to have the massive pressure lifted off her shoulders.</p>
<p>There’s a crackle on the radio and Colonel Young announces:</p>
<p>“Our reinforcements have come through the gate.”</p>
<p>Tamara had meant to be in the gate room, but someone had fallen and broken their ankle, so she’s in the infirmary instead. She splints the ankle and the crewperson limps out of the infirmary on some crutches Rush had carved for her. A moment later she hears footsteps and, without looking up from the supplies she’s putting away, says:</p>
<p>“Hopefully not another injury?”</p>
<p>A familiar voice says:</p>
<p>“No, just a friendly visit.”</p>
<p>Tamara spins, eyes going wide, and stares at Elizabeth. Of course it was possible that Elizabeth would be sent through, but she hadn’t expected it. She stutters:</p>
<p>“Elizabeth, how, why are you here?”</p>
<p>Elizabeth smiles her gentle smile and says:</p>
<p>“The IOA demanded a civilian advise the destiny mission. And as I have experience leading missions in far off galaxies, cut off from supply lines, they picked me.”</p>
<p>Elizabeth considers for a moment and then winks.</p>
<p>“I may have done a little bit of convincing to get the job as well.”</p>
<p>Tamara suddenly is filled with fear, shame, and uncertainty. It’s been almost two years since they saw each other, and even then they had kissed what, twice? It’s not like they had been dating or friends. Would Elizabeth really want to be friends or dating now?</p>
<p>Tamra shuffles nervously and says:</p>
<p>“What about Colonel Young?”</p>
<p>“He’ll continue to serve as military commander for the mission.”</p>
<p>Tamara nods, still not looking Elizabeth in the eyes. Suddenly Elizabeth steps closer, her voice soft as she says:</p>
<p>“Tamara, I thought about you a lot while you were gone.”</p>
<p>Tamara sighs, feeling both relieved and terrified by the admission. She hesitates but says:</p>
<p>“I did too.”</p>
<p>Elizabeth steps so close they’re almost touching, gentle fingers landing on Tamara’s chin and tilting her head up so she’s looking Elizabeth in the eyes. Elizabeth asks, without a hint of judgement:</p>
<p>“Then why won’t you look at me?”</p>
<p>Tamara sighs deeper, feeling herself droop. </p>
<p>“My last relationship didn’t go well, and we barely know each other, I don’t know if it’ll work out.”</p>
<p>Elizabeth grins, eyes shining, and says:</p>
<p>“Well, we can at least try, can’t we?”</p>
<p>Tamara considers saying no. but she can’t actually think of a good reason to, other than that she’s afraid. And she tries never to let her fear control her, so instead she says:</p>
<p>“Yes, I’d like that.”</p>
<p>Elizabeth smiles and shifts so she’s cupping Tamara’s cheek as she asks:</p>
<p>“May I kiss you?”</p>
<p>Tamara smiles and nods, leaning into the kiss, letting herself fall into Elizabeth’s arms. She feels safe and happy here, the regret that’s been haunting her finally gone. </p>
<p>---------</p>
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